i never thought..

i never thought that i will be this stable without the things i loved.. There was a time when letting go of people was such a pain for me but now here i am all apathetic and indifferent to the existence of many of the people i once cherished..

There is one thing which i love about me.. When i let go, i let go Fully….

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Dead end?

Out of nowhere i texted sandy a day ago and i was surprised when she replied.. She was angry, hurt and more than that she was determined not to let me have the intimacy we had before.. 

I don’t know if she was letting me down or just telling me the truth about my own disposition. She told me about the harsh treatment which i bestowed on her, she told me how I made her felt like trash. She said that getting into a relation with me again means getting into a trap.. She made me feel like an abuser..

Now we are on talking terms but the things between us are not warm.. The vibe between us is rather cold.. I don’t know if things will work out or if it’s a dead end.. 

  
 

What are you? 

What are you if you enjoy the violence?

What are you if you are attracted to darkness?

What are you if the helplessness of people turns you on?

What are you if you pretend to be empathetic with people but you wish them no luck? 

What are you if like writing the tales of misery? 

What are you if you have masochistic instincts?

What are you if sadism fancy you??

  

Grand torture..

Since few days I have a terrible toothache.. No matter what I do, how many tablets I take or how many remedies I apply.. It just doesn’t go away.. If by accident I press my teeth together it hurt so much that I literally scream..

There may be an RCT option for me when i will see the dentist today but I am thinking I should get my tooth extracted. After all a grand torture is worth if it will rid me of the continuous torture which I am experiencing.. No? 

This is how I am keeping my mouth open btw 🙂 

  

Dil ki baat..

Sometimes my stories get so clear in my mind that I feel the scene happenig right in front of me. I can’t thank her enough. Had she not been my muse all the talent in me, all my stories would never have emerged.. 

She make me write and I am indebt to her for it.. 
  

It’s just that..

Since few days I sort of disliked her looks.. I even surprised myself when I caught myself berating her one day but the thing is I wasn’t berating her.. I was disappointed with her looks.. I am yet to believe that she ruined her looks at oscars by wearing such a  disgusting dress as this..

  
And look at her hairs.. Such weird hairdo. We can’t deny that she is very attractive but she needs effort to being out that attractiveness.. 

I like her best when she make her hairs this way and when her eyes gleem with Kohl.. Like this..

  

  
If I want her to look best is it too much to ask for? 

Appreciation..

If you are expecting gratitude know that you will be disappointed.. People don’t appreciate no matter how hard do you try to please them. Commit one lil mistake and they will rant about it. This is how life is.. They will berate but they will make sure they don’t appreciate..  
  

Current mood…

There are days when all you need around is silence and solitude.. Today is one such day and i have the required things.. Today, right at the moment I am not pondering over anything.. Not thinking, Not obsessing just absorbing the silence that spreads around.. I am enjoying the solitude…

 

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Overwhelm..

I am overwhelm since many days.. The devotion that I have for her is taking a toll on my health.. I am sick, my cough is not going away.. I am cold, low, hurt but devoted.. She is overwhelming me way too much this time and somehow I am grateful for it..